Some people may think that music is better than sports, and although that is their opinion, sports has so much more benefits.
Firstly, sports makes you run around and actually socialize, and while that's happening you'll probably lose a bunch of weight!
Secondly, there are many varieties of sports such as rugby, touch, tennis, soccer, squash, and so much more.
Thirdly sports relieves so much stress. When you get involved in sports, you take your mind away from school homework and all that work.
Conclusion: Some people may think that music relieves stress, but unlike sports you could get so many cuts and blisters. If schools were to stop sports events, there would be a lack of muscle development in students. Sports is also great practise for strength, speed, and agility. Schools need more sporting events for the physical and mental wellbeing for students
Kia Ora Jai, your strength in this piece of persuasive writing is your structure. You have included an introduction and conclusion, and have used firstly, secondly and thirdly to introduce your arguments. Good job on including a command at the end of your conclusion. For your introduction, try including some background knowledge about sports, it's history and different types of sports. In your main arguments, try adding more explanation. e.g. Having a variety of sports allows children from all age groups and physical abilities to join. Unlike music, some sports require minimal equipment, which means that money will not be a barrier.
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